How did I get from this space to where I am now?
The realisation that the puppet show (my life of masking emotion) needed to end terrified me because I knew I would have to step into the unknown. I would be leaving my ‘safe zone’, which oddly enough had become home to anxiety and depression. It may sound strange to some, but I had a somewhat like 'bond' to my mental illness. The fear of making a change balanced the fear of not making a change.
Knowing that there were people to support me and knowing I did not have to face the challenges alone meant everything. With the support of my community, I decided to speak. This was a challenge in itself. The first time I shared, I barely spoke 3 words. Each time, I shared a little more, then a little more.
Conversations were created. I felt emotion. I asked for more help. I received it. I yelled. I cried. I asked for support again. I received it. I yelled some more. Tears still flowed. I screamed. Tension was released. Pain was expressed. Forgiveness and acceptance were explored and practiced (gently), again and again and again.
Kindness and love overcame hate and fear… every time, even when it took me months to realise what was happening.
I began to heal.
I began to realise that life can be an opportunity for creation and growth.
Let me stay real with you. There are days that flow a little lighter and easier than others. There always will be. Instead of fearing these potentially life-rattling moments, I practice receiving the challenges with grace (key work: practice).
Those thoughts that were on repeat for many years are still there. Some days they are loud and other days they are very faint.
For me, healing did not happen instantly. I didn't suddenly wake up one morning with no worries or fears. It was, and still is, a process and a practice. I am still learning how to care for myself everyday.
The space you’re in right now, the experiences that are connected to you, the self-talk on repeat, they can only define you if you say they do.
You can transform your relationship with yourself.
Reach out and ask for support.
I still see my Counsellor and my other supports. I look forward to my time with them, discovering more about myself, learning and growing. It’s fantastic knowing they are part of my team.
There are no selection criteria boxes for seeking support. Please, never compare your experiences to anyone else’s. This is harmful to you and the other person involved.
Every single person can benefit from connection.